The Adventures of Post Man Gordon - Elvira and the Secluded Mansion
Gordon, our hero postman was doing his Tuesday rounds as normal. He’s interested to see a removal van heading slowly down the road and turning into the drive of Grey Towers, a large and secluded house set well back from the road. He has never delivered any post there. It has been empty for as long as he has been doing this round, so years. “Oh, how exciting” he thinks “how lovely to have new house to deliver to”.
But despite the signs of new arrivals, there is still no post for Grey Towers. Not that week, not the week after or even the week after that. “How very peculiar” Gordon thinks as he passes by without so much as a catalogue for the new arrivals.
It is in fact nearly a month before he spots in his post bag the first letter for Grey Towers. It stands out, not only because it is the first but because it is a handwritten envelope of very expensive paper. The writing is the most beautiful calligraphy and the letter is addressed to Elvira Mortova. Gordon excitedly sets off in his van to complete his rounds, looking forward to his first visit to Grey Towers.
He gets to Grey Towers and sets off down the drive with some anticipation. He’s never actually seen the house itself, the drive is so long you can’t see the building from the road. As he gets to a bend in the drive, he reaches a very new-looking full-height fence and gate between him and the imposing looking house. Pulling to a stop he gets out and walks over to the gate to press the buzzer to go through.
However, either the buzzer is broken, or no one is at home. He presses it a few times with no response.
“Well, that’s a challenge” he muses “I can’t get in to deliver this. I can’t leave it here and neither can I leave a “Sorry I missed you” card as there is nowhere dry to put it. What am I going to do?”
He gives it another moment of thought, tries the buzzer one last time and reasons that he’ll just have to try again tomorrow, he can’t leave anything out in the wet. He pops the beautiful letter on his dashboard and heads off.
The following day, the same thing happens. He buzzes, no one answers, he has to give up.
On day three, he is starting to feel a little bit miffed. This is as cross as Gordon ever gets, nice guy that he is.
On day four, the gate opens!
Gordon gives a little fist pump and scoots back into his van to drive down the remainder of the drive to the house.
As he gets out of his van at the front door, he feels a little nervous. The house really is quite, well, spooky looking. The front door is vast, both in width and height and as he heads towards it, it opens totally silently in front of him.
“er, hello?” he calls tentatively “anyone there?”
“Yes” a voice whispers and a tall, slim woman glides towards him. She’s dressed in a pale floaty outfit and is incredibly pale but has the most entrancing face.
“I’ve got a letter for you” Gordon says, “I’ve had it since Tuesday, but no one answered the buzzer”
“Oh, I am so sorry” the woman whispers “and you’ve been back every day trying to bring it to me. How kind.”
“Just my job, it’s no bother” Gordon says, she really is a stunning woman. The most amazing eyes. He can’t seem to stop looking at them. He could look at them all day he thinks, like a tiger, or maybe a lion….
“I don’t like to be disturbed” the woman was saying. As Gordon snapped himself back to attention.
“Sorry? What? Oh, of course. That’s not a problem but there’s nowhere to put the letters see?”
He was bumbling. He could feel his ears turning pink as she gazed at him calmly.
“May I have it?”
“My letter, Gordon, may I have it?”
“Oh. Yes. God. Sorry. Here” (“How does she know my name? Why can’t I talk in sentences anymore? I feel a bit funny.”)
He hands over the letter and she takes it so gently it is almost as if it floats out of his hand.
“Gate post box” he blurts
“You need a gate mounted letter box. A post box mounted on the gate? Then I wouldn’t need to buzz, I could just put the post in there and not bother you”
“Oh. Oh, what a lovely idea. I do so dislike interruptions during the day. I sleep a lot you see”
“Yes, that’d do it for sure. Get a letterbox on the gate and you can just get your post whenever. It’d be loads easier for you”
“Why Gordon, thank you. For the letter and that very clever idea. I’ll let you go now.”
“Go? Yes. Oh yes, thank you. I’ll go” and Gordon finds himself back at his van without really remembering moving his feet at any point. The gate opens ahead of him and he heads out shaking his head and considering giving his face a little slap to bring him back into the real world.
As he goes up the drive, he looks in his rear-view mirror and to his utter amazement, sees the gate now has a letter box fixed to the outside of it. That wasn’t there before? It really wasn’t? Was it?